Recently, I've been thinking a lot about insecurity. Let me give you some context about me. I am not one that gets super insecure about her body, or her singleness, or say her identity. God really worked in that area of my life early on. I was able to see that I was created the way I was created for a purpose. Letting God work in me what He wants to. So, what's my insecurity you ask? My biggest insecurity that I struggle with is if I'm good enough or not. Good enough for the promises God has put on my life, whether I'm good enough to be a good wife, mother, etc. This specific insecurity has been eating at me the past couple months. About four days ago God reminded me of the story of David, when he was being anointed as king over Israel in 1 Samuel 16. God knew who the king would be even before Samuel went out to anoint him. Samuel goes to Bethlehem to the house of Jesse and his many sons. Samuel took a look at one of the sons, Eliab, and told God that he had to be the one. God responds back he's not the king going on in verse 16:7 "man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." Jesse then presents all of his sons to Samuel, to see who it is that is called to be the anointed king. God says no, to all seven. Finally, Samuel asks if there are any more sons. Jesse responds and tells him about David. The rut. Out tending sheep. Jesse goes at get David from the fields, and the Lord is overjoyed. God tells Samuel to anoint him right then and there. It says David was anointed with oil and the Holy Spirit entered him like a rush of wind. David becomes King and is strengthen by God for the rest of his life. I was curious why God would compare this story to my moody behavior and insecurity. I saw what He was saying. He's not looking at what I can do. He's not looking at what others are looking at. He's not looking at what others think about me. He sees my heart. He knows I want those promises for my life, even if I get in my own way. He knows I have a heart to be a wife. He knows I have a heart to be a mother, not just to my own children but to anyone who crosses my path. He doesn't need me to be perfect. He just needs me to be able. Jesse said David was the rut, but David was out in the field not concerned with what others were doing. God sees that! He knew David would be the right king over Israel, even if David didn't think he was good enough, or if David slipped up. This realization blew me right away. I realized that if I have God's approval, I don't need anyone else's. I can be truly me. I don't have to prove anything. I am enough. I am enough for the dreams I have in my heart. I am enough to be who God is calling me to be. When we see God calling us out of the field, let's be ready for that. No questions asked. No more "God, are you sure?" If there's one thing I know it's that even when I'm so unsure of myself, God is so sure of me. What are you struggling with today? What insecurity is holding you back? Step out! God's waiting to anoint you into the next season of your life. You are enough. Let him call you out from the field.
Thank you that this year is a year of promise. Your promises. I surrender all that I have and all that I am for your glory, and to know you in a deeper way. Search me, Lord. Remove anything that would stand in the way of what we have. Let this be the year that I'm overwhelmed with the knowledge of who you are. Surprise me like you always do. I want you, Lord. You are the one thing I need, the one thing I want. Fix my eyes on who you are. Thank you that you know my heart and that you have so much in store for me. Your faithfulness is my confidence. Let me be like the star of Bethlehem. Shining bright, so that people are able to seek and find you.